In the system

Tym officially started school today. For the next 14 years, ours and her life will revolve around whether she is on spring break, summer vacation, or if it's a P.D day. Gone are the times of "well hell, it's Wed. and I don't feel like working, so let's take a family day and screw off to the park and have a pic-nic". I know she's only 4 and I can still take a play day with her (and I'll be damned if I don't!) but the sense of responsibility is there now. Oh sure it's there for work, but this is different.

I spent the day busy-ing myself in the kitchen cooking, trying not to watch the clock in anticipation of what she might be doing now or how many more minutes till I pick her up from the bus. In the back of my mind I kept re-living the past 4 years. Wondering where they went, and praying that time slows down for this next chapter.

I thought of the mistakes I've made and if I changed tactics soon enough to not have had a lasting impression on her. I thought of the victories, big and small, that she and I have had since her birth. I thought about how she first rolled off the bed at 7 months of age and I thought I was the worst parent on earth. I thought about how she wrapped her arms around me when I had strep throat and kissed my cheek telling me she has magic kisses and I should "feel better in 26 years" - and I thought I was the luckiest parent on earth. I thought about the first night I successfully put her to bed with no tears when she was 13 months old - and I thought I was the best parent on earth.

I thought about how I am still not completely out at work to my clients and how this impacts her. I thought about how I am still very good at being very vague when answering questions about my family/kids. I thought about how I expect her to be solid in her skin and identity when I am still at times not solid in mine. I thought about how I want her to listen and trust what I say to be true, when at times I have told her a lie or two because I couldn't/wouldn't explain something. I thought about her empathy, love and kindness with a touch of quirkiness and wished to all the gods and goddess' that my daughter weaves her way through school successfully, strongly and with her quirkiness intact.

Dear Sumo:

Today is a huge milestone for you. You have been in this world for as long as Mama was prego with you. And dear Sumo you've already given us a huge celebration: you learned to crawl on Sept. 9th, 2009. I honestly didn't think you would crawl as you've been far too content finger walking around the house with us. But there is a part of me that is very excited for your crawling, because now my back won't ache from walking with you.

It's been a bit of a rough month for you. A suspected teething induced double ear infection, your first true fever, and a pretty bad sinus infection. All this has meant that no one has really slept well in almost 2 weeks. Coupled with Mama and I trying a new bedtime and night-time routine with you in hopes of you actually sleeping a solid night through. Needless to say, there were allot of tears and frustration on all our parts this month. However the delight in your eyes and your huge toothless grin as you crawled around you sister's room and the hallway, put everyone's tiredness at bay. I only wish you hadn't decided to learn this on the same day that Tym started school. It was a little extra emotional for Mama and I. Out first born is truly a big kid now and our baby is taking steps to growing up as well.

But son, all your accomplishments make my heart swell with love and pride. Grow as you might, you will always be my lil' Sumo.

Happy 9 months Lake!

To many things running through my head... I haven't posted in forever - it was a very busy and wonderful summer.... I've just uploaded pictures in August and Sept.

Today was a big day.

• Tym started school - decided she didn't want us to drive her and took the bus. All by herself. I went to pick her up, she took the bus, I drove home by myself.


• Lake crawled from the bathroom to Tym's bed 4 times in as many minutes.

Time is passing way to quickly - my babies are growing way to quick... I need a pause button.

(however I am not rethinking a third - as sad as I am that they are growing, I am tired! lake's double ear infection helps with that!)

I will post more next week when I have time as Tym will be gone 4 hours everyday!

The long hours between 7pm and 7am

We've embarked on a new journey with Lake - and it's going to be hell! Lake is by far a bad sleeper - has been from night one. He sleeps very lightly and restlessly and will easily wake every 60 to 90 minutes in an average night. So after nearly 9 months of this, Deah is beyond a walking zombie. So we started a new sleep technique with him last night with mild success. I hate the words sleep training so we're sleep "coaching" him to ultimately get him to self-sooth at night when he does wake and isn't hungry (and at 23 lbs - the lad doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night!). Basically what we are doing is removing Deah from dealing with Lake at night at all and inserting me instead so that he can't snack off breast milk to get himself back to sleep. I bounce him to calm the worst of his crying (which is fairly easy because he loves this), and then slowly slow down the rhythm of the bounce as he starts to get more and more sleepy so that (in time) he is simply falling asleep without needing the bounce. All in all we are expecting this to take close to 2 weeks to have it down - maybe longer as it is Lake we're talking about and that kid has a set of lungs and a stubborn streak to go with them!

Last night was night one and it sucked with some small victories along the way. I can see the victories now that it's daylight but at 2 am I certainly wasn't seeing them! Lake first stirred around 9:30 and wasn't fully back asleep in the bed until 1:30. I could get him into a dazed and confused kind of zoning stare and *this close* to being asleep, but then he'd start wailing again and we'd have to start all over. One of the victories I noticed was he easily took a bottle of water from me. So clue number one: the lad is looking for the comfort suck to get him back to sleep. Ok a bottle of water right now I can handle since it means that Deah's not having him snack feed all night. It does make me wonder about trying him on a soother again since he rejected it at 5 months. The other small victory I had was being able to transfer him easily from my arms to my chest, wait 10 minutes and then move him onto the bed. It was hard when the worst of the exhaustion was hitting but so worth it when I got a solid hour of sleep!

So today we're both a little bit cranky and I'm sure he has a sleep deprived headache as much as I do. The only difference is I can mask my with a strong coffee!