Let there be noise

It's been a whirlwind of a week with Deah and the kids gone to Nova Scotia. It's funny because being the "one left behind" you think of all the fun things you can do: stay up to midnight, sleep in past 6, drink beer, order in food that has wheat and garlic in it. But not so much for me. I certainly did do all those things, however I also built a wall, primed and painted said wall, cooked three meals to put in the freezer, helped a friend do prep work for a 100 guest catering job, patched a hole, organized 3 photo albums, painted a bathroom ceiling, cleaned the oven and oh yeah worked 6 or the 7 days they've been gone. I can honestly say that I am excited for them to come home tonight so that I have to stop doing reno projects and start playing Dora again! Lake was 6 weeks old when he left and is coming back to me 7 weeks old. I miss his smell, his eyes, his cry. I miss Tym's laugh, her goofiness, her sense of adventure. I miss Deah's smile, her comfort and the ease of being with her. I can't wait to have the house loud, dirty and chaotic again! T-3 hours till arrival.

Quick update from Nova Scotia...
Thankfully the flu stopped in time for us to travel. Tym was a dream. The flight left an hour and a half late - however there was another 4 year old in the airport and they played for an hour, so the wait wasn't to bad!
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The kids did great on the flight - Lake slept well :) And just a fantastic on the drive. Not a tear from anyone.
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The trip has been fantastic. the best part was watching Lake fall asleep in Grampie's arms. Grampie looks good - weak and thin but good. Chemo starts in March, hopefully he does well.

Tym has been fantastic, she is homesick and ready to go. I can't blame her since it's been a constant revolving door with new people coming over all the time. Sunday she was introduced to 14 people... poor girl.

Meag sent us lovely flowers which melted my heart.

It's been fantastic to be here, but it will be lovely to be home tomorrow!

Lake's Birth Story

Wednesday Dec 10th Claudia came over around 4 and did a HUGE stretch and sweep. The first real successful S & S. Deah wasn't too impressed but it clearly worked as within an hour she was crampy and within 2 hours having mild contractions. I put Tym to bed at her regular time and ran out to do some groceries. Deah sent me to bed around 10 to try and get some rest as she was sure "this was it". I fitfully slept as I could hear her moan through the contractions. By 2:30am I was awake and at her side to try and offer some comfort measures. Pressure at the low back seemed to work the best. I made sure she was hydrated and ate. By 4am we called Denise the midwife then on-call. The contractions were coming every 5-6 min. and lasting 45-60 sec. We agreed that we were ok at home and she would call back in about an hour. By 4:30am we called Christa & Abby over for help. They were an immense relief getting us both food and water and helping Deah though the contractions that were coming closer and closer. Denise checked back in at 5:00 and again we agreed to wait another hour. By 6:30-ish it was clear we couldn't really stay at the house with Tym waking up soon and Deah feeling a little anxious. Denise said to meet her at the Montfort and we were there by 7:30 thanks to Christa's awesome driving and luck with traffic even with a transit strike. We met Denise at triage and she examined Deah saying that she was about 3-4 cm and fully effaced. We hung out for a bit while Denise made sure the OB that was on-call was one that worked well with midwives. By 9:30am Deah was admitted. At 11:00am we agreed to an OB consult strictly due to how large Deah's belly was. Following protocol more than anything to keep us in the hospitals "good books". The OB Dr. Lucier was at first cordial and polite. He recommended a section right away because Lake was so large and he assumed Deah had gestational diabetes (we never did the test and her urine always showed up fine). We declined the section at that time but were open to it if it was clear labouring wasn't going to get us anywhere. The OB's demeanour changed right away and he seemed upset and a bit stand-offish. He proceeded to tell us that last year he had a woman do the exact same thing and he ended up delivering her dead baby after a uterine rupture and he was lucky to save the woman's life. I know he did this as a last "warning" to us but it scared the shit out of me and made me re-think everything. It made me doubt Deah. Not a good head space to be in to help her through contractions. Denise gave us more details that Lucier left out such as the fact that the woman was not even admitted into the hospital yet, didn't have an IV lock on, and had no blood work sent into the labs yet. Apparently these things all played into the delay in getting her baby out in time. Why I don't know but it helped re-assure me abit. Deah laboured hard for the next 2 hours and Denise checked her at 1:30pm. She had gone to 6 cm but Lake's head was still "bobbing" in her pelvis. Which meant he wasn't fully descending properly. We talked things over and all agreed that we would do another check at 3:30 as long as the contractions didn't intensify. Christa and I grabbed quick naps and Deah got in the tub followed by walks around and around the hallways. At 3:30 she was still 6cm and +4 - time to really look hard at a c-section. Denise talked with us and in her professional opinion it was safer and better for all if we called it. We quickly discussed our strategy for dealing with "the big baby" since we were calling in an OB. There is some concern that if the mother has gestational diabetes (which Deah didn't) that the baby could "crash" from the rapid blood sugar dropping after birth. We agreed that as long as Lake was doing well with clinical observations than there wouldn't be a need to call in a paediatrician. She said if she had any doubts that she would let us know ASAP and call for the ped than. We trust her clinical skills so it was no big deal to us to proceed that way. We called for the OB and he came in to discuss the section with us. He mentioned we would need to discuss a vertical incision vs. a repeat horizontal one since Deah had huge infection with the horizontal incision. He then left to go check on an OR wait time. He came back 15 minutes later and said we could get an O.R around 7pm. Deah got back in the tub and I helped as much as I could to get her through the increasing painfully contractions. Clearly starting to head into transition type contractions. The head nurse came in shortly after 6pm and rushed Deah out of the tub saying the porter was here and we had to head to the OR NOW. Deah in her state trying to rush out of the bath while having minute long contractions every 2-3 minutes with a nurse rushing her because the porters won't wait. Not cool! I'm starting to get a little pissed at how things are going since we are being rushed to the OR and the OB has yet to come back in to discuss the type of incision. Deah's whisked off in a wheelchair, Christa's gathered all our stuff and has set off to our new room to set it up for us and wait for Tym and Abby to show up. I head out with Denise to the scrub room to change clothes. Shaking the entire time and trying my damndest to hide it. We change and head into the "waiting" area of the surgical suits. I can see into the room where Deah is sitting on a table, her back to me with some stranger barely holding her shoulders as she moans through more and more intense contractions. As I watch, nobody talks to her, offers her any type of comfort, NOTHING! I start to get really upset and angry and yet feel helpless to do anything . The last thing I want to do is piss off the wrong person by saying something and then get barred from the OR. There are 2 other doctor's outside the O.R chatting away and Denise recognizes one of them. They say hello and ask each other what they are respectfully doing here. Denise says she's here as the midwife for the patient in there. The Dr. says he was brought in for a gestational diabetic prego and subsequent large baby. Denise asks if he means Deah and he says yes that Lucier brought him in. Denise looks confused and comes over to me whispering how weird and strange this is that Lucier would do that without consulting her let alone us. Denise and us had agreed that due to Lake's size we would be watching him closely clinically for signs of decrease in sugar. Lucier went ahead and made a decision that was never his to make. The ped dr. than goes into the OR and introduces himself to Deah who has had her spinal now and is lying flat on the table not really coherent as she's so tired. Ped Dr. tells Deah his name and that he is here to take a look at Lake. Deah just nods and says ok not really sure what's going on but assumes Denise and I have handled it. Deah saying "Ok" was taken as consent for Lake to be transferred to the ped Dr.'s care for the next 12 or so hours. This no one knew until after the birth. As I am still pacing and waiting outside the O.R room, the head nurse comes out of the scrub room, looks me up and down and grills me about my shoe coverings. The same blue sterile coverings she is wearing. She demands to know where I got them, who put them on, and did I have permission for them. I am so thoroughly exhausted, nervous and out of my element I nearly break into tears. I mumble some sort of answers that I guess were competent enough for her as she than enters the O.R. The OB's resident than comes up to me outside the O.R. She has kind eyes and is obviously trying to help me feel a little less nervous. As she is tying her mask on she meets me eyes and says "in 10 years does it really matter if you get to say I had a natural birth or I have a healthy safe child?" In one sense I know immediately that she thinks she is saying something to make me feel better - to help me know this is best for everyone. I already knew that at that time. I knew that as I paced waiting to be let in. I tried to remind myself of that as I listened with tears in my eyes as Deah moaned through a contraction with no help. I know the med student was "just trying to help" in her way, but at that time I just wanted to punch her. I felt chastised all over again for not agreeing to the section at 11am. I am led into the OR after an eternity and go right to Deah's head. We make chit-chat trying to ignore where we are. I eventually ask Deah how it feels this time and she says it feels different. Like it's an up and down incision. My eyes bugged out of my head and the realization of what a vertical and horizontal scar on the uterus means hits both us. I ask if she is sure and she says pretty sure. I lean in close to her and quietly tell her about the ped and Denise's encounter outside the OR. Neither one of us are really sure at that time what any of it means. But it's enough for both of us to agree to try and get out of the hospital and home as soon as we can. Denise comes around the curtain and says "so it's a vertical incision..." and we inform Denise that Deah never consented to it. That there was no previous discussion. Denise says "Oh My God!" and her eyes bug out of her head. She asks 2 or 3 times "he never asked you? He never came over and talked to you?" Again the realization of what this means is apparent. She quickly goes back to the warmer and Lake is born screaming his perfect little lungs out at 8pm. He is a giant! Too many hands are on him at the warmer as I watch Denise do her best to get control and also get me over there quickly. With Tym's birth Sarah (our midwife) was the only one at the warmer as the head nurse simply looked on. This time there's Denise, the head nurse, the ped. Dr., and some other nurse all touching him. It's not at all what I wanted for my son. Denise calmly informs me there was a little mecomium which is why Lake is being succtioned so much. Over-all though he seems fine from it. The ped guy then tells me that for the next 12 hours Lake is under his care to monitor his sugars through a heel prick every 2 hours. I ask why and he tells me that large babies can crash quickly from a change in sugar from a diabetic womb. I look to Denise and she nods her head ok. I assume that they've talked it over; she is under the assumption that Deah and I have talked it over. All assumptions are wrong at this point! I finally bring Lake over to Deah for her to see him. Denise then takes me and Lake to the infant nursery to go the preliminary check. There's a slight heart murmur on the left but that is normal for infants though she'll listen for it just in case at each subsequant check. I than bring Lake to meet Tym, Christa and Abby. While in the room Denise, Paula (another midwife who happens to be there) and I discuss what happened in the OR. I agree immeidaely that a lack of ethics was followed in the incision and the ped being called in. I agree that a letter will be written and some sort of complaint filed. After 60 minutes I am able to bring Lake down to Deah in the recovery room. Seeing them together helped take some of the immediate anger. confusion and helplessness away. Watching my son latch perfectly right away was a pure blessing.

Kids say the darnest things Part II

"Baby Boy you need a bath!"
"Why does Lake need a bath Tym?"
"Because he smells like crap!"

(Guess who really got in trouble for that one!)

Lake was crying and fussing and I was trying to calm him down. Tym pipes up:
"I know what we can do Mummy!"
"What Tym?"
"Baby boy needs to chill the hell out. We should put him in the dryer!"

I'm going to assume that Tym meant ON the dryer and not actually in it. And again, guess who really got in trouble!

oh my

So yesterday morning I got woken up by Meag at 3 - calling for help. She'd just been puked on. Tym puked 3 times by 6:30. Thankfully it stopped after that. She spent the day not moving on the couch watching TV. Thankfully this morning (even though it was 5am) she woke up bouncing and feeling much better.

thank god! We leave for the airport in 2 hours!

Fingers crossed she's the only one that had it!

suck, suck, suck

It's all the boy does!!

Wow - it's been busy around here! I am going to try to make more effort to update, even if they are short.

It's been a busy 2 weeks. Tym's settled into the new routine nicely, and as long as we mention Sunday that tomorrow is a school day - she's all set. She's starting to self play better when we are home as well. Unfortunatly she's getting a bit to much DVD action since the little man needs to sleep.

Lake is fantaastic. Last week he weighed 14lbs! Go boy Go! He is an overall good baby - the only down side is he still takes so long to get down for a nap!! Sometimes he'll only cat nap for hours and be quite cranky. Once he's asleep though, he's usually down for 2+ hours.

Lake is starting to smile! It's awesome! he likes being tickled and will crack one for you. Different than Tym, when she decided to she could turn them on all the time and would - he's taking his time and making you work for them! Silly boy!

I've been getting ready to head to NS Thursday. It should be a good trip. Grampie won't be in Halifax as chemo will be done in Yarmouth. So it'll be good to spend time with him. And mom is tickled pink - even if it's meant she's done a lot of cleaning the past few days... since no one has slept over since we were home last! I've got a few small fun things for Tym for the trip - I am not to worried about the airplane, more so the car ride afterwards and Lake.

Lake seems to not enjoy the car. If he's tired, he'll cry instead of falling asleep. He could be clean, and well fed - and if you're in there for more than 10 minutes, chances are he'll let you know it's time to get out or put something in his mouth... Who knows how long this 3 hour car ride will take.

We've been trying to past 2 days to really get him to take a soother. All he wants to do all day is suck suck suck. He loves the soother when it's in, it's a matter of him taking it more times than not that we are working on. Yesterday he even fell asleep with it! YAY! Hopefully he'll do the same thing on the car ride!

Happy One Month!

It's been a month since your birth in what seems like a blink of an eye. A month ago tonight (exactly at this time) I was in awe that you were in my arms. I was hiding my exhaustion, glowing with pride and already loving you fiercely. You're birth didn't come without its un-fair share of challenges. I am still working on your birth story for you because of that. As I bounce you to sleep at night I stare into your eyes and feel my heart continue to swell with the wonder of you. You have brought so much joy to our house and our family. You have shown me a side of your sister that I never knew existed in her before - had hoped was there - but didn't actually know it was there.

At times I get caught up thinking about how great in life you will be. I sometimes forge ahead and wonder what you will do, where you will go and whom in this world you will encounter. And then I see your crystal blue eyes staring back at me with just the hint of a smile in them, and I remember to hold you a little more tightly, smell your head a little more deeply, and cherish this moment a little longer.

I love you Lake. I'm so glad you're here!

Mum

This week I had considerably less time at the computer, even 1 handed! This was the first week Tym was only in daycare Monday and Tuesday. Let's just say it was a busy week!

I tried to run as many errands on Monday and Tuesday as I could - so not to worry about it the rest of the week. Wednesday started with a playdate with Santiago and his mom - everyone had a great time. it was nice to talk with Gabe and get adult conversation, and have her snuggle the baby :) Thursday is the only day I have with a car, we drove Meag to work and played at home until it was time for swimming. Tym really enjoyed swimming - there is only 1 other kid in the class and it's her friend Thomas from the neighborhood! Should be a good class :) I forgot how much Tym loves watching the swimmers at Plant - afterwards we had a snack in the viewing area and she played and watched for almost an hour. It was a good time :) Then off to chiro.

Lake's head is forming lovely - and is now at every month for appts. As am I. It's the first time in a long time that we can do monthly family appts again, as appose to someone always having to go more.

Friday Annie and her crew came over. it had been way to long since we had seen them - it was lovely to reconnect.

The weekend has been a blurr as always! Yesterday morning I got out first thing and did groceries - ALL by myself! It was awesome! I think this time around I am going to crave my alone time a little sooner than I did with Tym... it's different having 2 of them on you all day :) Then we headed to Sophie's for a playdate. A great time was had by all - they are due next month, so it's a fortelling to them as to how it's going to be! good luck guys! :)

In the afternoon Meag took Tym swimming with Anna and Oscar, and they had a blast - needless to say Tym was exhausted come bed time and was alseep by 7:30! it's to bad she didn't stay asleep for very long! She was quite restless lastnight and her and Meag didn't sleep well.

Lake is doing fantastic! It's unreal to think that he is a month old today!!! How quickly the time flies. He's a great baby all in all. Poops more then tym ever, but he is a boy afterall! :) He's growing SO big! Midwife on tuesday and we'll know how big! He's awake for a lot longer now already - and still naps really well, once he gets to sleep. It was quite a challenge putting him down for a nap while having Tym home. this week we are going to have to bring out the next size diaper - our 1 month old has outgrown the infant ones!

Tym has settled down into the routine quite well. it's nice to have the holidays over and see things fit into place. She's been listening, mostly Ok. she's been very helpful at the same time. It will be nice to have her at school tomorrow though! :)

I have healed great. So much better than last time. I weighed myself today and I am back at pre-preggo weight... even eating as much crap as I have the past week... Now that most of the chocolate is gone, hopefully I will lose even more! time for more fruit!

My lil Piglet

I have decided to re-name Lake, Piglet. A name I undoubtedly know he'll hate me for later yet suits him so well. That boy grunts, moans, snorts, snores and burps (not sure if Pigs do this but for today's sake we'll say they do!) like you wouldn't believe. Last night when Deah was feeding him to sleep, I was catching up on some internet TV. After a coule minutes I just looked at Piglet in awe and worry. He was grunting at the boob so much I think they were in a fight! I had no idea babies could make such a wide range of sounds so early on in life.

holy cow - how time flies fast! I am at the computer loads - however it's all spent 1 handed while nursing, and I can just imagine how the posts would turn up if I posted using only 1 hand...

Christmas was awesome. We had a very fun filled Xmas eve - did a little shopping in the morning, then went to the mud oven and did some pieces with the kids :) In the evening Scott came over to stay for Santa, and Rocci and Ginger came over for fondue. It was lovely to sit and laugh with them. We gave Tym and Lake their xmas eve presents, which was their matching pj's. Tym picked out cookies for Santa, and fed the reindeer their food. And was out by 8. It was perfect!

Christmas morning started at 7 - not to bad :) Tym came to our room and seen that Santa had eaten the cookies! Santa's been here! She ran to Scott's room to wake him up and the morning started. She was thrilled with the fact that Santa got her the 2 things she asked for... A Dora toothbrush and a Dora House (thank god for consinment stores!). She did very well the all the activity until about 5 presents left... We powered through those and let her bounce from there. She had just started being somewhat normal when Nana and Grampa arrived from Kitchener with just as much stuff as we had started out with under the tree! But Tym loved seeing them and spending a couple days with them.

Xmas eve the boxing day sales started online - and we bought a front loader washer/dryer, 700$ off! Our diapers have never cleaned so fast! it's amazing.

Boxing day was pretty low key, we did hit the mall, but only as a place to get Tym out of the house for a bit. Breakfast at the Bram followed Sat morning - it was awesome to show our favorite waitress the new bundle. Then they all headed to the museum of nature and had a blast. That evening we found a restaurant that Tym can eat at!! Mongolian Village. It was Awesome and yummy!! :) They left the follow morning. All in all it was an awesome visit from them.

They were very generous - and booked Tym, Lake and I tickets to go home to NS this month. My grampie is quite sick, and it would be nice to get home sooner then later. So they booked 2 tickets on points. Thanks guys!

New Years eve the whole house was asleep by 8:30PM. And Lake didn't wake up till after 1. It was amazing!

It's been crazy to watch him grow already. he's changed so much. He's soooo alert and starting to coo a little. And getting big. Some of the sleepers he is in, are 6 month sleepers, and they are not big! it's crazy. He's a great sleeper - once he gets to sleep. Getting to sleep is an effort which will be interesting when it's just me and them home. Yikes!

Tym's been a champ. Albeit a strong willed champ this week. the changes are starting to get to her and she needs to find her new normal. The past 2 days have been better - getting her out of the house is key! And little to no sugar helps! :)

Tomorrow starts our new normal - hopefully it won't take to long to figure out.. Tym will be in daycare mon and tues only. Home with me the rest of the week, and I only have the car on Thursday - which we have swimming class :) In Jan Meag isn't working late much, which is going to be a saving grace... But if you're in the area and want something to do, please let me know and let's schedule it!! :)