Single Parenting 101

Thanksgiving week was a bit chaotic and classic all at once. Deah made an emergency trip to NS to attend her grampie's funeral. We had briefly kicked around the idea of all of us going but logistics and cash made it impossible. So after explaining things to Tym and having a few cry sessions with her, Deah and Lake flew out on the Tuesday. Up to that point in Tym's life, Deah had never left her behind before. I mean, Tym has been on numerous sleep-overs but that is totally different in the mind of a kid. Deah leaving (!!) her was almost akin to her not coming back. With help from friends and lots of understanding at work, I juggled my schedule to be home for Tym to get on and off the school bus.

SHE WAS AWESOME! I have the most spectacular, wonderful, hilarious daughter ever. We danced, we wrestled, we had a movie night, we turned the couch into a play fort, we told each other fairy tales and we found a local pizzeria that makes a Tym safe pizza. Oh the delight in her eyes when HER pizza was delivered to the door! There were a few trying times, after-all she is 4 and I am a push-over of a parent, but those 5 days of solo Tym time were outstanding! We even had a mini-spa day by getting our hair cut together. This was a bigger event than normal as Tym let our stylist wash her hair for the first time. She loved it! I was ultra-proud and a little sad all at once. For every milestone or big event she has, I'm reminded that she's growing up more and more. Thankfully I still have Lake!

We met Deah and Lake Sat. night at the airport with a huge homemade sign. We watched Deah and Lake come down the escalator to the arrivals level with huge grins. Once they hit the floor, Tym took off like a bolt and launched herself at Deah while I snuck a quick kiss and stole Lake. As great as it is to have the house full and complete again, the solo time with Tym is something I will treasure. She's a fantastic kid and I've never felt more confident that I'm doing a good job with her as I did that week.

Dear Sumo:

Once again I am shamefully late in writing your monthly letter. When I figure out how to slow down the day I will be able to write these in a more timely manner.

One week after learning to crawl, you started clapping. And oh the joy you have doing this! I've never been applauded changing a diaper before, but thank you Lake for doing it every time! You've also learned to shake your head "no", which delighted us at first with how cute it is. However it's been a tad frustrating when you do it for everything offered to you at supper time. You're learning the sign for "more" and "all done" and have used each a few times. Tym might be confusing though as she's teaching you her own made up signs.

This month brought you to your first Thanksgiving celebrated with lots of family hang out time and our close friends Beth, Jesse, Annie and Merrie. Unfortunately it also took you to your first funeral as Great Grampie died Oct. 11, 2009. You and Mama flew home in time for the funeral and apparently you looked quite handsome in your suit. Even though you won't remember Great Grampie, he was a fantastic man with a smile that made others smile. Including you. He will be missed, but Mama will keep him in our thoughts with stories for you and Tym.

Lake, you have grown into quite the lil' Sumo now and it's hard for your Mama and I to believe that in 2 short months our roles will be reversing. She will be back to work and I will be staying home for 9 months. I am so very excited to have this time with you, to be there for your milestones. to take you to the park and pull you in a sled, and more importantly... to dance it out when we both need it.

Love,
Mummy

In the system

Tym officially started school today. For the next 14 years, ours and her life will revolve around whether she is on spring break, summer vacation, or if it's a P.D day. Gone are the times of "well hell, it's Wed. and I don't feel like working, so let's take a family day and screw off to the park and have a pic-nic". I know she's only 4 and I can still take a play day with her (and I'll be damned if I don't!) but the sense of responsibility is there now. Oh sure it's there for work, but this is different.

I spent the day busy-ing myself in the kitchen cooking, trying not to watch the clock in anticipation of what she might be doing now or how many more minutes till I pick her up from the bus. In the back of my mind I kept re-living the past 4 years. Wondering where they went, and praying that time slows down for this next chapter.

I thought of the mistakes I've made and if I changed tactics soon enough to not have had a lasting impression on her. I thought of the victories, big and small, that she and I have had since her birth. I thought about how she first rolled off the bed at 7 months of age and I thought I was the worst parent on earth. I thought about how she wrapped her arms around me when I had strep throat and kissed my cheek telling me she has magic kisses and I should "feel better in 26 years" - and I thought I was the luckiest parent on earth. I thought about the first night I successfully put her to bed with no tears when she was 13 months old - and I thought I was the best parent on earth.

I thought about how I am still not completely out at work to my clients and how this impacts her. I thought about how I am still very good at being very vague when answering questions about my family/kids. I thought about how I expect her to be solid in her skin and identity when I am still at times not solid in mine. I thought about how I want her to listen and trust what I say to be true, when at times I have told her a lie or two because I couldn't/wouldn't explain something. I thought about her empathy, love and kindness with a touch of quirkiness and wished to all the gods and goddess' that my daughter weaves her way through school successfully, strongly and with her quirkiness intact.

Dear Sumo:

Today is a huge milestone for you. You have been in this world for as long as Mama was prego with you. And dear Sumo you've already given us a huge celebration: you learned to crawl on Sept. 9th, 2009. I honestly didn't think you would crawl as you've been far too content finger walking around the house with us. But there is a part of me that is very excited for your crawling, because now my back won't ache from walking with you.

It's been a bit of a rough month for you. A suspected teething induced double ear infection, your first true fever, and a pretty bad sinus infection. All this has meant that no one has really slept well in almost 2 weeks. Coupled with Mama and I trying a new bedtime and night-time routine with you in hopes of you actually sleeping a solid night through. Needless to say, there were allot of tears and frustration on all our parts this month. However the delight in your eyes and your huge toothless grin as you crawled around you sister's room and the hallway, put everyone's tiredness at bay. I only wish you hadn't decided to learn this on the same day that Tym started school. It was a little extra emotional for Mama and I. Out first born is truly a big kid now and our baby is taking steps to growing up as well.

But son, all your accomplishments make my heart swell with love and pride. Grow as you might, you will always be my lil' Sumo.

Happy 9 months Lake!

To many things running through my head... I haven't posted in forever - it was a very busy and wonderful summer.... I've just uploaded pictures in August and Sept.

Today was a big day.

• Tym started school - decided she didn't want us to drive her and took the bus. All by herself. I went to pick her up, she took the bus, I drove home by myself.


• Lake crawled from the bathroom to Tym's bed 4 times in as many minutes.

Time is passing way to quickly - my babies are growing way to quick... I need a pause button.

(however I am not rethinking a third - as sad as I am that they are growing, I am tired! lake's double ear infection helps with that!)

I will post more next week when I have time as Tym will be gone 4 hours everyday!

The long hours between 7pm and 7am

We've embarked on a new journey with Lake - and it's going to be hell! Lake is by far a bad sleeper - has been from night one. He sleeps very lightly and restlessly and will easily wake every 60 to 90 minutes in an average night. So after nearly 9 months of this, Deah is beyond a walking zombie. So we started a new sleep technique with him last night with mild success. I hate the words sleep training so we're sleep "coaching" him to ultimately get him to self-sooth at night when he does wake and isn't hungry (and at 23 lbs - the lad doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night!). Basically what we are doing is removing Deah from dealing with Lake at night at all and inserting me instead so that he can't snack off breast milk to get himself back to sleep. I bounce him to calm the worst of his crying (which is fairly easy because he loves this), and then slowly slow down the rhythm of the bounce as he starts to get more and more sleepy so that (in time) he is simply falling asleep without needing the bounce. All in all we are expecting this to take close to 2 weeks to have it down - maybe longer as it is Lake we're talking about and that kid has a set of lungs and a stubborn streak to go with them!

Last night was night one and it sucked with some small victories along the way. I can see the victories now that it's daylight but at 2 am I certainly wasn't seeing them! Lake first stirred around 9:30 and wasn't fully back asleep in the bed until 1:30. I could get him into a dazed and confused kind of zoning stare and *this close* to being asleep, but then he'd start wailing again and we'd have to start all over. One of the victories I noticed was he easily took a bottle of water from me. So clue number one: the lad is looking for the comfort suck to get him back to sleep. Ok a bottle of water right now I can handle since it means that Deah's not having him snack feed all night. It does make me wonder about trying him on a soother again since he rejected it at 5 months. The other small victory I had was being able to transfer him easily from my arms to my chest, wait 10 minutes and then move him onto the bed. It was hard when the worst of the exhaustion was hitting but so worth it when I got a solid hour of sleep!

So today we're both a little bit cranky and I'm sure he has a sleep deprived headache as much as I do. The only difference is I can mask my with a strong coffee!

Tym's Words of Wisdom

Driving with the family on Sunday, lamenting to Deah about how quickly Lake is growing up:

Tym: "Why are you sad Mummy?"

Me: "I just wish your brother would slow down his growing is all. I miss him being so little."

Tym: "Well I know how to fix it!"

Me: "Oh? How so?"

Tym: "Just stop feeding him!"

Lake in a Lake

We spent a great weekend basking in the sun at a friends cottage last weekend. It rocked! Tym and Lake were at no loss for things to do as Sandra and Annie (our hosts) and their 2 year old Sam kept us busy. Tym proved how much of a fish she is as getting her out of the lake was at times challenging. Even when her lips were blue!I was a little worried that not being able to touch the bottom would bother her, but the docks jumps into my arms - and at times over my head! - proved me wrong. Lake did pretty well himself considering the water was at times chilly. And the best part was introducing him to skinny dipping - after he's demolished a juicy peach I am not going to take the time to find his swimsuit and get him dressed for swimming - much easier to swim him naked to clean him up!They both enjoyed riding in the boat, though I think Tym's highlight was the ATV rides and "driving" with Sandra. Her dries of "Wha-Hoooo" were quite clear! My poor ankles got eaten alive at the bonfires! It's quite amazing what a person can ignore or not notice after a few drinks, but then be driven insane by the following morning/day. It's actually quite difficult to scratch your ankles while trying to stay afloat when you're already not the best swimmer. Next time I'll follow Deah's lead and hide out in the cottage to avoid being so tasty!

Aug. Long weekend family reunion-ish

We spent a great long weekend in Kitchener at the beginning of Aug. Tym was on cloud 9 the whole time playing with her cousins Grace and Julia. Lake's eyes kept bugging out of his head with all the big kid action to watch, and Deah and I enjoyed some time together and fantastic chats with Beth and Darcy. A major highlight was African Lion Safari. The kids were blown away by all the animals ("Mummy, I want to pet the cheetah!") and the fantastic water park. Tym and Julia literally spent an hour chasing each other and splashing around, while Lake enjoyed cooling of in the small wading pools. My heart was constantly bursting with awe and love at the kids playing together. Grace was out of this world awesome with Lake. So attentive and gentile with him. Beth and I were able to steal away for a couple of hours for a coffee chat. Since Mum and Dad are back in the desert, we "broke" into their condo and chilled out. Quite the opposite to use sneaking out when we were kids! Both Tym and Lake did fantastic on the drives. We left shortly after supper on Monday night and Tym was asleep within 20 minutes! I guess going to bed at 9/9:30 and up at 6/6:30 for 3 days will do that to you.

Dear Sumo:

We've been a little neglectful in your monthly letter and I apologize for that.

I am still shaking my head in wonder at the fact that you are 8 months old now! I had been told to expect your second born to do things seemingly quicker than your first born, but I would really appreciate it if you slowed down your learning curve son.

The baby gates are now up with plans on getting the cabinet locks on shortly. We've had to put a bad rail on your bed as you have already made a crash onto the floor. The mobility you've shown is awesome. You spent the better part of last night trying to crawl around the bed - which is great but if you could reserve these practice sessions for the daylight hours and not between midnight and 2 am that would be great. Even though you were practicing crawling, you much prefer to be finger walking. You've realized that this is a quicker way of getting to where you want to be. It is still alittle weird seeing your chubby little legs walking you around.

We've already seen your future temper tantrums as well.. I feel like I should thank you for the warning. The vocalization (shall we call it that?) and demanding for an object, to stand up, to move around, or to change your scenery is a fair warning as to what we can expect in the coming few months.

However Sumo, you are the most fantastic eater! It doesn't matter what it is that we're eating, drinking or thinking of cooking - you want it! From broccoli, to steak, to prunes you want it all. Of course you do have your favorites, but I can safely bring out anything and know that you will eat it.

8 months have flown by and look at how far you've come. This roller-coaster ride of parenthood just keeps getting better every day with you.

Love,
Mum

Things I never thought I'd hear myself say

"Lake! Stop eating your sister!"

"Tym! Stop letting your brother eat you!"

"Tym! Get your nose out of your brothers mouth!"

"Lake - don't head butt your sisters butt"

"No Tym you can't suplex your brother - and no he didn't say you could!"

"Tym you don't have to announce to the world when your brother has pooped"

and the best one yet:

"Deah - I still want one more baby"

Too much news for one post

So many things to blog about so little time. I knew it would be chaotic with 2 kids and me working full time but not having time to update the blog was one thing I didn't count on.

Lake is now 7.5 months old and thriving! He has learned how to scoot himself backwards while sitting which meant that Deah and I quickly got our arses in gear to get the baby gates up. With help from Abbie 2 of 4 gates are up and withstood the Sumo shake (meaning he didn't pull them out of the walls yet!) He is still a terrible sleeper with a REM cycle being something of a distant memory. But oh how he loves food - all food! Doesn't matter what it is, just let him eat it - and NOW! Lake is defiantly a better eater then Tym ever was and is far less picky as well. Though I do draw the line at him making a grab for my ice cream - not yet lil' Sumo - all in due time.

Tym is now home full time with Deah and it's going pretty well. They have lots of play dates lined up every week and Tym actually went to her first camp last week. We put her in gymnastics camp and she loved it! It was great to see her excited for something in the day again, and more importantly excited to be going to gymnastics again. Next up is swimming camp in Aug. which she'll be doing with 2 of her friends from her day care.

Last week we saw an ear, nose and throat specialist for Tym. Last fall we noticed that she was constantly asking for the volume to be turned up on the stereo or TV. Then in March when her ear drum ruptured, we noticed she was having a really hard time hearing us. I know she's 4 and at times it is very much selective hearing, but you know that glazed look a person gets when they have no clue you've been speaking to them and then they finally realize you've been yelling their name 4 times and are ready to string them up from the balcony? Well that was happening a lot with Tym. So we mentioned it to our nurse practitioner and she did a small hearing test that warranted seeing an E.N.T/audiologist. So the results from the audiologist testing her last week showed a fluid buildup in both ears with mild hearing loss in the left and mild to moderate loss in the right. Which I find interesting because it was her left ear that ruptured but her right has a greater loss. We don't know if this is something that will repair itself, if the loss is due to the fluid build-up, or if it'll get worse. We were given some guidance on how to approach things with her to make life a little easier and little less yelling. Simple measures like making sure she is looking at you before speaking, speaking slowly, reading to her on her "good ear" side. She'll be re-tested in Nov. to see where things are at.

The pink line

Mum and Dad are visiting and I'll update more on that later. But the best 2 lines from their visit so far are:

Tym: "Grandpa - why is your head pink?" - As she is examining Dad's blad spot and not understanding what a bald spot is.

Tym: "Now Grandpa - this puzzle is for kids 3 years old so it's not too tricky for you."

it's been a long time since I've updated! At least Meag has been posting about some things.

Both kids are growing so quick!!

Tym - is fantastic. We had a rough week a couple weeks ago where I would have given her away, alas I did not and am glad since she's worked through whatever it was and it fun and lovely again. She loves her brother and won't leave him alone. She now loves all his toys to - we need to remind her to let him play.

She tells the most elaborate stories... A few weeks ago she made one about how she was new here - and the moving truck dropped her off. We were her new family. Her old family lived in the ocean and her room was a box. her old mommy and daddy where missing and she was glad to have 2 moms now, and new baby brother. it's amazing the detail she can get it - and it can go on all day.

We registered her at lady Evelyn - the alternative school. It's a lovely school, the kindergarden teacher is awesome. Only downside is the long bus ride, but I bet she'll love it.

Her last day of daycare is tomorrow - it will be a long but lovely summer I think. I am going to enroll her in a couple of half day camps. Get her use to different people and places. One at swimming and one at gymnastics. She's excited.

Lake. is eating! He is a fantastic baby. Except he doesn't sleep. He is sitting up on his own and has the most amazing reach ever! He likes bananas but loves watermelon. He seemed to like sweet potato as well. He is quite stoic and tends to keep his emotions to himself. Unless of course he wants something - he will scream for it. Don't think about eating with him nearby if he can't have it, he will let you know he wants it!

We got an amazing to do list done on this house this weekend - Thanks to Auntie pepe who helped out. We are really starting to settle in, and it's lovely. We are going to try and revive growth in the back yard, somehow!

The summer is upon us! I don't beleive it's already here. nana and grampa arrive this afternoon - and canada day is around the corner. We are busy. And tired.

A double decker!

Tym's world became a little more exciting as she and I ventured downtown for some hanging out time. To get there I thought we'd take the bus. Along came one of the cities new double decker buses. Well Tym's eyes nearly bugged out of her head! "Look Mummy!" she shouted with glee. Up we went to the top deck and we got a seat right in front. What a view she had! She held onto the safety bar in front of her, swinging her legs double time, and kept saying "Waaaahooooo! I love the double decker!" She made sure to thank the bus driver (with no prompting from me) as we got off at our stop and proceeded to talk about the bus for the rest of the afternoon.

I don't think her world will ever be the same again!

6 Months!

Dear Sumo:

6 months have flown by in a heartbeat. The changes in you from 8 p.m Dec.11 2008 have humbled and astonished me.

You are fully sitting up on your own with a wicked lunge/3 point stance when something catches your eye that's out of reach. You have a personal fancy for gnawing on Mama's chin though the kisses you give me are not far behind. Dancing with Tym is your all time favorite activity. It is not so much a laugh as a high pitched shriek of delight when we do this. We've started giving you some food (apple sauce and banana). You're not quite sure about eating but your curiosity is never ending. It is now impossible to have a drink or eat a snack while holding you. You've come to close to drinking/spilling a latte, steak and or beer lately! When you need a change in pace taking you up to our room and giving you some naked time makes all the difference. Rolling around, playing airplane and trying to get at the cats simply does it for you Sumo.

You've come so far in 6 short months my lil' man - may the next 6 be just as adventurous but a little slower in passing.

Love,
Mummy

MoFo

I picked Tym up from school on Monday. As one of her favorite teachers sees me, she starts laughing really hard and says "Wait! Wait! I have something to tell you!" Tym apparently was telling some random story to a friend of hers earlier that day when she busted out with "Mofo". The teachers had to leave the room because they were laughing so hard! I guess I should be more impressed that she used the shortened version instead of the real version. Right, so all those parent teacher conferences that start in Sept at J.K will be reserved for me. I've accepted this and will prepare my defense accordingly. Good thing we've got her going to the alternative school! Maybe they'll be more lenient on me!

A time for Firsts

Lake has been quite the busy lad the past few days. He has hit many milestones none of which have made me stop looking and him and wishing he would slow down a little. I'm having quite the difficult time with him growing up so quickly.

He is sitting up by himself in the bath tub. Which nearly made Deah cry when I called her in to see him. Though she then quickly read me the riot act as he proceeded to fall over and clunk his head. In my defense, he was straining around trying to look at the toy Tym was showing him. As Deah is calming Lake down from his noggin' knockin' telling me I am to stand much closer next time so it doesn't happen again, Tym jumps in the middle of us and says "No Mama! Mummy didn't do anything. Baby Boy did it all by himself!" Thanks Tym for coming to my rescue.

Lake was also introduced to apple sauce yesterday. He made his desire for food very clear by grabbing Deah's banana and showing a piece in his mouth earlier in the day. He didn't seem that impressed with the banana, though the apple sauce was only mildly better. His face was more "I'm not sure of the texture" than anything else. That and Tym feed him his first spoonful - which nearly ended in his eye. I love that she wants to help so much but OY!

And Lake has fully recovered from his cold from hell. I swear when he decides to do something, he's gonna do it right. His first cold was certainly a bad one as Deah and I traded off 3 nights of sleeping sitting up with him on our chests, just so he could breath. However, seeing his lovely smile and shriek of delight again makes the neck and back pain fade away a little.

Finally, Lake has started giving hugs and kisses. Though they are more like "I am grabbing onto the tiny hairs at the nape of your neck which will force you towards me so I can then chew on your chin, or slime you with my drool". Either way - it's pretty amazing to have those tiny hands cling to you and want you near.

The Muskoka family get-a-way

Once again we headed out in the middle of beautiful nowhere with our friends Beth and Jesse and their 2 kids Annie and Meredith. It was a nice way to break in the new mini-van with a fantastic drive through Algonquin Provincial Park. We had a great tail-gate pic-nic there and saw a moose as well. The Loser Cruiser - well I can admit it has its advantages for long drives. The main one being the lack of screaming from Lake. What a treat that was! Tym and Annie did awesome playing together all weekend from roasting marshmallows, starting the morning fire, playing dress-up and making salt dough. It was a fantastic family get-a-way with great friends.

I actually had the better part of a week and half off so I was spoiled with lots of Lake time. It was awesome! Something happened with him and I during my time off as we seemed to bond more and understand each other. I know it sounds odd, but there is nothing like your son literally flailing about in excitement when he sees you when previously he didn't react like that. I'm now able to bounce or sway him to sleep no problem (as long as he has a full belly of course!) and he loves to "fly" just as much as Tym did. His interest in food is still ridiculous but he is not actually ready for it yet. When we've spoon fed him breast milk or his teething meds he spits out the majority of it with a look of "what the hell is this? Just give me the spoon to suck on!"

Lake's sitting up on his own albeit he's still a little tipsy at times. I had him sitting in the grass for the first time and the look of awe on his face was humbling. He just stared at the grass and slowly moved his hand amongst the blades. He is also weighing in at just shy of 20 lbs. It's nice that he's slowed down a bit in his weight gain and is staying even in his clothes lately.

The Great Mother

On my left forearm I have a tattoo called "The Great Mother". It's a simple black silhouette of a woman that I got when Tym was 4 months old. I've told Tym the story about this tat before and lately she's been pretty fixated on it.

The other day as I was leaving for work, Tym came running down the stairs.

"Mummy! Mummy! Wait! I have to tell you something!"
"Alright Tym. What is it?"
She grabs my left arm and says: "When you start missing me at your work, just look at your arm and think of me. I love you. Hug and kiss now!"

Damn kid sent me to work with tears in my eyes!